Managing in high heels

I was twenty five years old when I was appointed into my first management job as HR Manager for a chain of 50 retail stores. I’d never had to manage people before (even though I’d been advising other managers on what to do for years!) and suddenly I was supposed to ‘know’ all the answers about anything HR related.

All the retail managers were female, except for one poor lone male! I wanted to build credibility with these managers and so I decided that I needed to be completely professional – not reveal anything about my personal life and not show I was struggling.

The result was everyone felt I was quite unapproachable and reserved. It wasn’t until I also took over as Training Manager and had to stand up in front of them all and facilitate training that I started coming out of my shell and letting people know who I was. They still considered me professional but said they were finally getting to know me.

Lesson 1: You can talk with other women colleagues about their personal lives and reveal a bit about who you are and still be considered professional and credible.

The next problem was that I was trying to do everything myself. I wanted to get to grips with the job and was determined to soldier on alone. Some of the area managers asked if I needed help but I was too proud to say yes. Finally I realized I couldn’t continue to be a zombie putting everything into work and having nothing when I got home, so I asked for help. And boy, did those women rally. Not only did they come up with many other ways of doing things that I would never have thought of, but they also had many skills that weren’t being fully used, so taking on some of the HR work was also a good challenge for them.

Lesson 2: Women can do anything, but we can’t do everything!! Asking for help can create better solutions and use other people’s skills and experience.

Part of realizing I needed more help was also to hire an HR Assistant. I’d been telling managers how to deal with their people for years. How hard could it be? Well, I certainly found out. I fell into all the traps. I wanted my new employee to like me, which then became very hard when I had to give her negative feedback. I wanted her to learn things quickly so didn’t spend the time with her I should have and was getting frustrated at what she was getting wrong. It culminated (I’m not proud to say) in me leaving a memo on her desk one night listing the mistakes she was making. I came in the next morning and found she’d been crying. We had a good talk and I realized I needed to give her some praise and recognition for things she had done right (and there were many things she’d taken over from me and was doing well) as well as giving her feedback about what she could improve.

Lesson 3: Managing people is harder than it looks. Many of us want our employees to like us (I know I did). But this isn’t realistic. You can’t and shouldn’t be friends however you can and should build a good working relationship where you respect each other. After our rocky start my HR Assistant and I worked well together, although were never ‘friends’.

Lesson 4: Make sure you praise your team for things they have done well. This sounds incredible simple but it’s often not done. Managers – when did you last praise each of your employees? I can guarantee that it’s not enough. Find something positive and let them know!

Lesson 5: The last lesson I learnt is that as New Zealanders we need less confrontational ways to give feedback. All the methods I read about were American. I tried to use them to give feedback to my HR Assistant but it felt harsh and it didn’t get a positive response. This was actually one of the key things that led me to write Management Bites which has lots of practical techniques of giving negative feedback that work for NZ managers. If only I’d had these methods back then – then the memo incident would never have happened!

My next big challenge was going into financial services and working with an all male executive management team. Not only was I the only woman, but I also worked in HR (which is often considered ‘soft and fluffy’) and I’m also young and blonde. I got busy building credibility by asking the exec team for their opinions on what we should put in place. They looked concerned. Enlightenment occurred when I read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I discovered men and women communicate for different reasons! Men to show they are decisive and competent, women to make sure everyone feels included and valued.

Lesson 6: Don’t be consultative when you need to show decisiveness! I changed my approach and consulted with line managers (who did appreciate being included) but was more decisive and assertive with the executive team.

In summary I believe you can successfully learn to use the unique skills and view points a woman brings to a management role, and be able to manage in high heels! But you have to understand what the differences are and be willing to adapt your approach overcome these challenges.

Angela Atkins is the author of Management Bites: The bite sized guide to being a better Manager. HarperCollins RRP $24.99 from all good bookstores