It's important for women to be selfish
What? We are meant to be more selfish? That hardly sounds like a good thing for our relationships with partners and children? Surely love is meant to be about being loving, giving and selfless? We sure, we do need to do those things. But we also need to love ourselves, and sometimes that can come across as a little bit selfish.
It's about respect, love and honour. If we don't respect, love and honour ourselves, then how can we expect someone else to do that for us. Being selfish is actually an act of love, not only for yourself but for your partner and your family. Let’s be honest- men are great at it. Most men adapt their lives very little to partners and children coming in, but many women accommodate their men and children so much that they forget what they actually want to do, think or feel and lose themselves a little. Being selfish is actually giving your loved ones the gift of the real you- and that has to be a good thing.
If we stop being selfish a few different things happen. First we lose our own separate identity. Many women coming out of a marriage discover they had lost their ambitions, or had stopped looking after themselves. They might not have been eating right, or live in tracksuit pants and T-shirts, and never put money aside for hair cuts, and new clothes. When we don't invest in our own needs we can stop feeling desirable, or feel resentful towards our partners who seem to have more freedom. It's not their fault they get more space than us- it's ours for not speaking up and making it happen. There is no use getting passive aggressive about it- with men you need to be direct, and explain very clearly what you need- and if you are not doing that you need to own that, and be prepared for them to not 'Get you”
If you think that sounds like you but have no idea how to get the “old you” back then you need to start with some really simple ways to become more selfish: Start taking time out for just you. Take a look at what your partner is doing if you are in a couple and match the time out. Put bedtimes in place for your kids and stick to them, and tell them you stop being a parent after that time (except of course for emergencies). Join the gym or start regular walking or swimming. Make a time with a stylist and discover what clothes suit your shape, and then buy that sort of clothes. Buy a new bra, and MATCHING underwear- and then wear them! Try to carve out “me time” every day and give your children more responsibility – it's good for them and you.
To become more selfish you need to tell yourself one very important thing- if you look after yourself, everyone around you is going to benefit. However if you haven't done it for a while there is doing to be some repercussions. Take it in baby steps and make small changes for everyone's good- starting with a walk everyday (no matter what) is a great place.
Will your husband complain? A little! Most men don’t like change that much. But what they do like is being with someone who is feeling good about themselves. It’s a attractive. They fell in love with us as a free and vibrant person with our own minds, then we morphed into this weird overly self sacrificial person who was so worried no one else is going to get what they need that we gave up all of ourselves to become someone very far removed from that person they were attracted to. Being selfish gives them back the person they fell in love with- which suddenly no longer sounds selfish at all.
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